Now hear this

“If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.”

— Winnie the Pooh

Being a leg model is a real kick.

You might remember the “Seinfeld” TV show where George Costanza had a brief career as a hand model before he juggled a hot iron.

The notoriety of my right leg is equally painful. Seems the vascular surgeon who did the ablation work a little more than a year ago wants to show students before and after pictures when he gives lectures.

Hopefully these lectures don’t occur right after lunch.

The point of this column, however, is not famous legs. It’s listening.

The surgeon says on average people hear only 50 percent of what is said to them in the examining room. Whether the news is good or bad, this pattern of listening occurs.

When a patient hears good news, they become elated, oftentimes hearing nothing more.

When they hear bad news, they go into shock and hear nothing more.

My girlfriend, also known as the Wonder Woman, tries to beat this tendency by accompanying her 76-year-old father to medical appointments. It’s a good strategy to get the best of human nature and come away from medical appointments knowing what was said, why and what actions might need to be taken.

I, on the other hand, am not that smart.

I go to medical appointments alone. All I remember from the surgeon’s talk is that I do not immediately require ablation work on my left leg, for which I am grateful.

And I have to wear a granny sock in winter. And I have giant arteries, like Lance Armstrong or Steve Prefontaine, but without the accompanying strong veins to compensate.

So it goes.

In a tough economy, any good medical news is welcome.

Experts in doom and gloom say to save up enough money to deal with the big three of crises. These involve an automobile, medical or job emergency. So far I have had the automobile and medical emergency this year, but the job remains intact, even with the black cloud of recession hanging over us and our spending power being reduced to the bare cupboard essentials.

With all the noise pollution in the world, and not just hurting employees’ wailing and gnashing of teeth, sometimes it’s hard to hear what’s going on.

What with backfiring Communist propaganda machines, diesel pickup trucks, boom cars playing concerts on wheels, train whistles, dentist drills, shrieking bosses, mobile CD players vibrating down the road, AK-47s, apocalyptic loonies on talk radio, loud talkers, lawnmowers, leafblowers, four-wheelers, Jet Skis, Congressmen giving speeches and whatnot, life can be a ear-blowing experience.

One of the great things about Eastern Oregon, however, is we can escape the racket.

If we go out to where the antelope play, the arrowleaf balsamroot blossom, the meadowlarks sing, the dust devils dance and the cattails sway, it can be a quiet, wonderful experience. We can escape to the dramatic hillscapes. We can find peace in the eerily empty landscape that is yet so full of stress relief.

Even famous leg models need a break from the bellowing bulls, smoking tractors and howling old faithful dogs once in a while.

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