The Great 2009 Jewelry Heist

Please remember to use your utensils and not your fingers, the sign at work says.

It’s there to keep unruly employees in line at monthly potlucks. You know how some people get around three-bean salad.

Being a contrarian, I’m tempted to do the opposite. The sign makes me want to eat everything with my hands, even soup.

But the sign is there for a reason. It keeps us from spreading disease. It keeps us healthy so newspaper readers get their 50 cents worth, or at least some cheap entertainment.

Most signs deserve following. And the world needs more people who follow rules, who help old people across the street, who buy Girl Scout cookies even when on a diet, who in short do the right thing.

The other day I was put to the test to see if I was a man of character. The Wonder Woman — aka, my girlfriend — and I had gone shopping. Topping our list was a cheap necklace. So the new necklace would not drag on the floor, the Wonder Woman tied it to the cart.

Then we picked up groceries and items to fill a care package for a soldier in Afghanistan.

The Wonder Woman and I checked out, rolled the cart to the far end of the parking lot, which is in the same county as the store, barely, and unloaded our loot.

It was only then that we discovered the necklace dangling from the cart, unpaid for.

I was in a hurry. The shopping had taken longer than expected, because we were on Wonder Woman time. The theory behind it is no hurries, no worry, live long and prosper in a fashionably late sort of way.

I had another good deed to get to. My 87-year-old neighbor needed her lawn mowed, pronto, because company was imminent. It’s a big lawn, big enough to make the push mower seem as insignificant as a rose petal dropped into the Minam Canyon.

Admittedly, my kindly neighbor pays me for mowing. But my life is busier than ever. I wanted to get it done quickly and get back to Wonder Woman time, where the weekend drifts by. Besides, the sunset that night promised to be a doozie, and I needed to be on duty to make sure the deer mowed my own yard without missing spots.

I could pay for the necklace later, I suggested, after I got the lawn mowed.

The Wonder Woman said we should do the right thing, now.

I had stood in a long line to checkout and feared I would get in another long line. More Sunday would be lost.

But I went back to the store. The alarms didn’t go off.

I walked to self-checkout, purchased the necklace and headed once again for the door.

The bigger point is, do the right thing. And do it right away.

That way you can move ahead with a clear conscience.

One lie leads to more lies.

One bending of the rules on taxes, a test or a contest leads to bending other rules.

Society suffers.

Do the right thing. The Girl Scouts, the little old lady next door and the soldier in Afghanistan will thank you.

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