SHAKESPEARE, ABRIDGED

‘PHENOMENALLY BRILLIANT EVENT': Seth Yohnka interacts with fireworks attendees to promote the Shakespeare show opening tonight. (KENN WHEELER photo).

LA GRANDE - Three men … 37 plays… 96 minutes.

The thought of it is almost inconceivable. The contemplation of it baffles the imagination. The sheer grandeur of this endeavor is nearly superhuman in its magnitude.

But it is, in fact, true. As much as one hesitates to fathom the very possibility of such a thing, it is, according to all accounts, a reality.

Tonight at 7:30, in the Lyle Schwarz Theatre on the Eastern Oregon University campus, three brave and perhaps somewhat foolhardy young men — Wylie Peacock, Jeff VanVickle and Seth Yohnka — will attempt to perform the entire canon, all 37 of the works, of the greatest of all playwrights, William Shakespeare.

And they will do it in less than 96 minutes (not including intermission).

"The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, Abridged" is exactly what it purports to be, the presentation of all of the plays of "the Bard of Avon." These three actors, otherwise known as the Reduced Shakespeare Company, will courageously endeavor to furnish their audience with the definitive rendering of such great works as "Romeo and Juliet," "Hamlet" and "Macbeth" (with perrrrrrrrrrrrfect Scottish accents).

"Othello" will be presented as a rap song, "Titus Andronicus" as a cooking show.

The comedies will all be compiled into one uproarious masterwork, and the histories will be performed as a full contact (with daggers no less) football game.

As can be imagined, "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, Abridged" promises to be an evening of unforgettably hilarious entertainment (and hopefully no broken bones).

"These are three of our most talented students," says the production's director, Kenn Wheeler. "Wylie was last seen in the EOU production of ‘Sylvia,' and Seth and Jeff were both in ‘The Pirates of Penzance' and ‘Spring Into Broadway.' With only three actors, these guys have had to work extremely hard over the last several weeks."

Each actor is playing at least 10 characters, and each is also playing at least one female character, although Yohnka has the major cross-dressing assignments.

"He plays Juliet, Ophelia, Gertrude and Cleopatra, all the great women of Shakespeare's creation, and he is totally convincing (well almost)," Wheeler says. "I can say assuredly, that La Grande has never seen anything quite like this show. Audiences are going to love it, this I can sincerely guarantee. I just hope people will really take the opportunity to share in this experience."

Originally written and performed by Jess Borgeson, Adam Long and Daniel Singer, "The Complete Works…" has been performed all over the United States as well as in Canada, England, Scotland and a lot of other places that speak English.

And now it comes to La Grande. For six nights only, July 12-14 and 19-21, theater-goers can catch what Wheeler calls "one of the funniest evenings of theater that has ever been mounted in the Grande Ronde Valley."

All performances begin at 7:30 p.m. in the Lyle Schwarz Theatre.

"So bring all the family, call the aunts and uncles, e-mail all the cousins, make sure Grandma and Grandpa are awake and head over to Loso Hall to experience this phenomenally brilliant event," Wheeler says.

Tickets are $8 for general admission and $6 for seniors and students. Purchase tickets at Sunflower Books in La Grande or at the door. Calling 962-3757 and leaving a message can make reservations.

"This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity," Wheeler says. "Make sure you don't miss it."