Home Opinion Jeff Petersen: ON SECOND THOUGHT Observer ‘Flake Team’ plans all-out assault on weather coverage
Observer ‘Flake Team’ plans all-out assault on weather coverage
Mother Nature needs to learn some manners. Tuesday morning she was spitting snow on the La Grande sidewalk.
The snow reminded us that La Nina is on the way. Yes, forecasters are predicting a wetter, cooler and stormier that normal winter.
Quick! Get prepared.
Make sure your cable or satellite TV bill is paid up. That way, you won’t miss a second when Storm Team is dispatched in response to The First Flake of the year falling on Portland — and causing mass panic among TV news people.
Newspapers worth the 10 grams of salt the average American consumes each day are also jumping into the fray. The Observer is no exception. This winter The Observer Flake Team plans all-out weather coverage any time a storm over the Pacific Ocean makes landfall.
Perhaps if readers are scared spitless by The Observer Flake Team they will buy more newspapers. That way they can light warming fires, which they will huddle around as storm after storm tries to peel the paint off their soon to be foreclosed homes.
La Nina, in case you slept through meteorology class, is basically the opposite of El Nino.
El Nino — the featured event last winter — brought warmer and drier air and was about as scary as a white cat at Halloween.
La Nina, by contrast, is a black cat, with fangs. La Nina exists when cooler ocean temperatures occur on the equator between South America and the Date Line, which, if I’m not mistaken, is somewhere between Antarctica and Fairbanks.
The winter of 2007/2008 was the last La Nina to invade. Tina, my wife of 24 years, had died early that fall of complications of diabetes and autoimmune inner ear disease.
Months later, snow, wind and clouds marched in and hit us with a knockout punch.
I had a lot of time to contemplate my past, contemplate my future, contemplate my navel.
I became one with my snow shovel — and a condition called CHD, or Cold Hand Syndrome.
This winter I expect Mother Nature to again launch into much irrational behavior.
No worries, though. The Observer Flake Team will be on the job in the deepening gloom, trying to whip the public into a frenzy.