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The Observer paper 12/24/14

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Home arrow Opinion arrow Jeff Petersen: ON SECOND THOUGHT

Jeff Petersen: ON SECOND THOUGHT

Welcome to tax hell

“It’s income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil and stab yourself in the aorta.”

— Dave Barry


Men who swear at goats

Chicago is a city known for its fires and goats. Blame the O’Learys’ cow first off. And now Jay Cutler, the NFL Bears quarterback, is the latest goat.

On Second thought Jeff Petersen

First there was the friendly El Nino, or “The Boy” climate pattern, which spread warmth and dryness across the land.

Nobody remembers Horned Frogs

“There is no room for second place. There is only one place in my game and that is first place. I have finished second twice in my time at Green Bay and I never want to finish second again.”

— Vince Lombardi


The Big O

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

— Author unknown


The end of the world

Is the end of the world in sight? Or will the apocalyptic loonies put us on hold waiting for the next available representative?

Do you think the Mayan calendar’s ending Dec. 21, 2012, will cause the world to implode in some weird apocalypse? Or do you see the cycles turning over and starting again?

 


Crazy busy

Ever since Dr. Oz said blood pressure should be 115/75, mine has been on the rise.

Beware of the frog

By the time you read this the Mild, Mild West might be frozen as stiff as a wood frog.

 


A date with Al Roker

Turning 100 could be fatal. As you probably know, it’s a tradition for the president to write a letter of congratulations when a person reaches 100 years old. It’s also a tradition to be mentioned on NBC’s The Today Show by the incredibly shrinking Al Roker.

 


Caveman holiday

If you want the perfect gift for the man in your life this Christmas season, skip the cologne and sweater.

Build him a Man Cave.

Since the beginning of civilization, which occurred several thousand or billion years ago depending on your source, man has needed a place to retreat.


Pass the pork, the beans and the Gas-X

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, “What the heck just happened?”

How to survive the first flake

Like most men, I am not a fan of shopping. But I am even less of a fan of buying. Being the child of Depression Babies, I find buying physically painful.

Itís time for Big Fat Hints

The holidays are sneaking up fast. In August the Christmas sales began. Santas were out in force trying to whip the public into a buying frenzy — or maybe they were just trying to get a tan.

Celebrate Elk Day

Thanksgiving is a great celebration of American rights, freedoms and the end of the negative political ad season on TV.

Observer ĎFlake Teamí plans all-out assault on weather coverage

Mother Nature needs to learn some manners. Tuesday morning she was spitting snow on the La Grande sidewalk.

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